Tuesday, September 13, 2011

You Called Me Love...

My Dearest Sister,

God how I miss you. You called me "Love" and your voice is on repeat in my head while trying on bridesmaid dresses. You keep telling me that I am beautiful even though I think you need glasses. I wish you were here to help us with this dress shopping. You and Annie would have a lot of fun with the mean, snotty sales girls. Annie and Sarah are great, and they keep encouraging me to believe in me. It's just hard. However it is my own fault. I let me get this big. You tried. I tried. I have quit trying. I need to get back on the succeeding track.

I forget to breathe sometimes. Isn't that crazy!?! I am shocked when Darby whispers, "BREATHE! You need to breathe." And then I wonder how long she's been standing there watching me lose my mind, holding my hand like I am her little girl. I am supposed to be the parent. I fall out of reality thinking about you, and when I come to, I wonder how long I have been standing in the same place in a trance, hurting and hating. I worry that she thinks I am crazy and not the good crazy Jaimee that she usually loves and laughs with. She says she loves both. Good girl. How am I so lucky?

You were all that Love is. You made the world less frightening and never made fun of me for being afraid of the storms. You were there that day and know how close that tornado came. You were always my hero when there was lightening. You were always there. Now you're not. Now I feel lost. Forever I will feel lost.

I love you MOORE, sweet sister of mine.

P.S. Sarah finally got me to BABE's last night. She and Annie were shocked I didn't eat the chicken skin. You would have liked when I said it reminded me of, "It will put the lotion in the basket or it will get the hose again." Blech! I still get chills, and I may have ruined Sarah for chicken skin forever. TeeHee. Sorry, Sosie!

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