Saturday, April 21, 2012

GUEST BLOGGER--S is for Solace

MyMama, OURGayla, Sister/Daughter-inLawDana,
JamesIII and me, March 2010

A few weeks ago, my beloved mother guest blogged "H is for Happy Home" to help me with the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. This is the second piece I told you that she wrote for me at that time. Is it possible to burst with love and pride? Each tear I shed while fixing this up for her, was filled with so much love and so much pride. Welcome back to "Aunt J-Me Says So" hero, MYMAMA:

When my beautiful talented daughter (that's me!) made the offer of guest blogging I looked at her list of available letters and jotted down "happiness", "home", "religion", and "William". What I write about each of these my beautiful talented daughter (that's me again!) knows she may edit change or ignore and no offense will be taken (I WOULD NEVER MESS WITH GREATNESS...okay, I'll stop now). I have complete trust that my beautiful talented ex-English teacher of a daughter (sorry, one more time...that's me!) knows the limits of my education and would not want me embarrassed by said limits (I KNOW NOT OF WHAT SHE WRITES).  

So having covered "happiness" and "home", I have moved on to where my solace has come from. In times of grief, solace comes in many forms.

I parted ways with organized religion many years ago. However, when we lost our oldest child a year ago, religion showed its purest and most saving grace to me. A group of people whose only connection to my husband and me was that our son and daughter-in-law were members of their church, opened their doors for our dear Gayla's memorial service. Dennis and Debbie are not just a minister and his wife. They are people who came into a stranger's home, tried to give comfort and, in so doing, renewed for me the belief in the goodness of people in general.

On the day of that memorial service, my daughter-in-law's aunts served food to a flood of people who came for the BBQ that our daughter-in-law's parents had furnished. They felt our pain and our children's pain and gave the solace of their service. We will never be able to express to these ladies and the church's ladies group, who furnished desserts, how they personified the love of their fellow man to a heartbroken family.
Will-I-Am and JamesIII, March 2012
The solace that is William has come over the course of the first year of his life. The night he was born was three days after his Aunt Gayla's death. I spent part of that evening trimming 100 photographs of Gayla to be stuck to her memorial programs. William's great aunts eventually helped me finish that project. His very pregnant mother had helped me write the obituary and order the photographs. The solace of having such a wonderful woman as a daughter-in-law should not be left out of this story. She and my beloved son have allowed us to keep William and his big brother JamesIII for a couple of days a week.

JamesIII was born to unadulterated joy more than three years ago. Happiness followed him into this world, and the night he was born, my only tears were joyful tears. There is a movie of me grabbing my son and crying those tears of joy for all the world to see. Also, there, just at the edge of that movie, is his dear Aunt Gayla, watching in the crowd. 

DarlingDaughter and HerMemaw
March 2012
As much joy as came with William, there also came sorrow that his Aunt Gayla would not be there to see him born. Now at one year of age, William is the one that brings my husband's smile. He may become the family dare devil. He cannot be convinced that just because he CAN climb up on low furniture that he will not be immune from falling off said furniture. 

Solace comes from my family. Our grandchildren range from one year old to fifteen years old. That is quite a spread, but where the two littlest give solace through their innocence of the pain, Darby was not spared that pain. Her solace comes in shared acceptance of what cannot be changed. She has seen me distressed and stepped a little closer to give her solace. She may not even be aware she does it, but I am.   

1 comment:

  1. Life can sometimes make you dizzy with the ups and downs and it can be hard to keep both feet planted on the ground. Sounds like you have a lot of good souls around you to help keep you grounded.