NOTE: This post was originally posted on my FaceBook in early May 2011. I received 9 "Likes" and 13 comments of encouragement to keep blogging. It was then that I truly began using my blogger area. Thank you for visiting from the Weekend Rewind. 9/16/2011
This little endeavor began a little late in April so I started with "C is for Cheese." However, everyone knows you cannot have an alphabet without "A" and "B". Therefore, the next two notes will round us out.
The word ANGEL means "messenger," specifically messenger from God. I was made aware that angels are quite the debate from their appearance to their origination. I like to believe angels are messengers through deed and word and that they can be earthly or other worldly. I have been told more times than I can count to be comforted that my Sister Gayla is an angel in heaven watching over us all. I really hope she's just enjoying heaven and isn't wearing herself out trying to keep up with us all...we're a bit of a handful! How do angels communicate with us? It seems dreams are a common medium. T.J. Wray's book on sibling loss and grieving has an entire chapter dedicated to dreams and how surviving brothers and sisters say their dreams of their lost sibling help them with understanding, acceptance and/or closure.
MyChad said I was dreaming about Gayla the week after she died, but I don't remember the dream. He said he came to move me from our sofa to our bedroom one night, and I looked up and said with a wide smile, "We are bowling, and all of Gayla's horses are winning." He decided to leave me be. I wish I could remember the dream. What message am I supposed to get from it? Since I don't remember it, is it really a message? And why is everyone else dreaming about Gayla and I am not? The book says it will happen and to just be patient. We all know that is NOT my strong suit.
I think because sister was taken from us, we all have so much we want to say to her and hear from her. I am guessing that is why so many of the dreams that have been shared with me have the dreamer and Gayla talking or trying to talk. I would love it if sister could just tell me how I am supposed to survive her. I go to bed each night reciting what I will say if Gayla appears in my dreams so I don't waste any time. I will tell her, "I love, love, love you. I miss you so desperately. You were the best sister I could ever have been given. I'm sorry that I am not being stronger. Thank you for inspiring me to do what I am supposed to be doing. You were my angel on earth and will forever be my angel in heaven."