What you eat in private shows up in public.
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I tried not to look too miserable, but after
three shots and they all look horrible,
I couldn't make myself smile. |
It was both heartbreaking and a relief to confess to my Hubby Dearest that I have been sneak eating and overeating in order to fill a hole in my chest. Through sobbing tears, I told him of how making myself feel extra full makes me feel a little less empty inside. Then I admitted that it was probably that I make myself miserable physically to mask the misery I have on the inside.
The love of my life didn't flinch. He said, "Baby, it's okay. We will change this." Then I really started boo-hooing because I then had to tell him that this wasn't the worst of it. I confessed to embracing unhealthy habits from my youth that I'll leave to your imagination because Lord knows I am not putting an instruction manual to destruction out here. To his credit, HD did not waiver or become angry. He simply asked me what my plan was. My therapist asked me the same thing.
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I have always hated the bathroom mirror
vanity shots, but this is the only way
to put myself out on front street. |
So today for lunch, I attended my first (again) Weight Watchers meeting. In that meeting, even though I was feeling nervous and started having a panic attack with hot flashes for good measure, I heard the leader say, "What you eat in private shows up in public." Truth be known, the only person that I have been hiding from is myself. I doubt anyone who really knows me and loves me has missed the fact that I have spent the better part of the last six years growing and growing and growing, exponentially in just the last year alone. I can blame it on the disappointment of having the hysterectomy in 2007 and the heartbreak of losing my sister last year. I can even get away with blaming it on being depressed and fighting a thyroid issue. However, blaming and worrying are both like rocking chairs...they give you something to do but take you no where.
This week's goals: I will write ALL of my food and activity in the PointsPlusTracker they gave me. I will also cut out sodas.
Hey sweet lady....proud of you. I hate that you have a hole in your heart..and that you are hurting.....I am proud that you went to your HD and that he is supportive...you can do this...one step at a time. I will be praying for you..for the hole to heal and for the weight to come off...in a healthy way and for good. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWow, that is so very brave of you. And what a wonderful HD you have. I too have struggled with my weight, and I totally relate to a lot of what you said. I am sorry that you have heartache. And I applaud you for going to WW. You will be in my thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Judy...your support means so much. I was shocked and amazed at all the wonderful supportive people in my life...many like yourself who've I have never met in person. pretty amazing!
DeleteI love you! You are so incredibly brave. I know your fight it sucks in every way. It does get better. It is a battle that is fought every meal/snack.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Miss...you inspire me every day...you have to know that!
DeleteYou are one brave lady....I wish you all the luck in the world.
ReplyDeleteThank you! and as always, thank you for being so supportive...i love looking for your comments each day
Deletepower on, jaimee... awesome that you took the step to 'out' yourself...
ReplyDeleteThank you! I tell you what...it was scary to actually OUT myself but after I did it, I felt empowered and like I had so much more to gain than to lose.
DeleteYou are my hero. Now I know why Kendall loved you so much. You speak with your heart and you speak for the silent. Thank you and I'll be keeping a food diary with you.
ReplyDeleteIt cannot go without saying that your sweet girl is one of my most cherished "children", Cindy. Thank you for bringing two of the most amazing women to our world. You are MY hero. I look forward to hearing how you do!
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