Monday, July 16, 2012

It's Closure If By Closure I Get to Leave a Crack in that Door Just in Case...

For more than a year, I have yearned to dream about my sister Gayla. I practice what I will say as I fall asleep each night. I beg and plead with God to let me dream of her. I have even had the idea to plan out my dream where she and I can be private eyes who solve crimes and fix situations like a cross between Rizolli and Isles and Quantum Leap. Once or twice it has happened (a dream, not the cheesy drama show dream), and yet it doesn't fulfill the need I feel. Something seems to distract me from telling Sister that I love her and miss her in each dream. [Don't judge me...I am not crazy...I am profoundly sad.]

My little family visited myMama and myDaddy this last weekend for Daddy's birthday. I seem to gain so much peace just from being in their home and being surrounded by family. Without going into too much detail, there was also some relief with my parents letting us know that the final details of the business of dieing is coming to an end. It will never bring my beloved sister back, but we can really in earnest start rebuilding our lives. As my Daddy said, "It's just the beginning of the next chapter."

On Saturday night, I fell into a deep slumber almost instantly because we had spent the day yard working, playing with the nephews and cooking a big birthday dinner. I can't remember doing my nightly ritual of begging and pleading because I fell asleep almost instantly.

I guess that is the key; don't ask and you will receive. I dreamed that I was sitting fully clothed in my parents' guest bathroom tub. As I was sitting there, the hand towel across the room started to float away as if being carried by some unseen person. I jumped up and chased the apparition into the next room yelling for it to please wait. When I caught up with the escaping hand towel, I threw my arms around the empty space and actually felt like I had caught something. Immediately, I began screaming at my caught ghost, "Please go find my sister Gayla and tell her that I love her and miss her so much!!! PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME!"

I felt the apparition enfold me in its embrace, and I heard as if she was right there talking into my ear, Gayla said, "I love you, my love. I love you much." And POOF...I woke up. I would like to say I felt a profound peace, but all I felt was a stabbing migraine. It wasn't until I was telling Hubby Dearest about the dream later on that I realized I had felt much better all day even with the headache...emotionally better. So tonight, I go to sleep and don't ask for anything. I just thank Him for all I have.

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