Yesterday, my therapist and I started exploring a goal for me this year. We decided on setting boundaries. How are the two related, you ask? Answer: I am passive almost all of the time except when I've had enough and feel so violated that I flip a switch and become irate or pouty. Then I put up a wall that lets no one in until I have created a vacant existence of loneliness so I cycle back down into passiveness to please everyone. See the circle? It just keeps going over and over.
You know the definition of insanity? Expecting a different outcome even though you continue to do the same thing over and over again.
How do boundaries help? By its very definition, a boundary is a property line around you, inside and out...it's what makes us unique in our emotions, hopes, dreams, opinions, values, etc. The boundary marks us off as "private property." If you have boundaries clearly defined, then no one can trespass, and if they do, then you can only control how you react...hopefully appropriately.
First issue...I am afraid of saying "NO" to anyone. The notes I am reading from Dr. John Townsend's interview about boundaries nails my issue right on the head. I feel if I say "NO" to anyone, then it would result in the loss of that relationship.
Now you're asking, what does this have to do with boosting energy? My mental state plays a big part in my physical state. If I am feeling fearful about losing a relationship, disappointing someone or being controlled by him/her, then I just crawl into my shell and hide out...literally and figuratively (no, I don't have a giant tortoise shell in my closet, but have considered finding one. For this literal translation, the mound of covers on my bed and the 4 million pillows I stack around me will suffice.). Now that we KNOW what's the problem (GI JOE said that's half the battle), we can work on it. This is where the people pleaser in my says, "So please, please, please, please don't hate me if I tell you 'No' in the near future."
[APPLAUSE FROM THE SUPPORT GROUP]
Boundary: maintain my dignity, honor myself and others, interact respectfully, say "No."
Mantra: "I can stay in the relationship, express who I am, and still be loved."
Thank you for continuing to support this little bit of crazy each day! Visit my blog each Thursday to see how My Happiness Project is going! Here's the plan by month so far:
- January--BOOST ENERGY
- February--REMEMBER LOVE MARRIAGE
- March--AIM HIGHER WORK
- April--LIGHTEN UP PARENTHOOD
- May--BE SERIOUS ABOUT PLAY
- June--MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS
- July--BUY SOME HAPPINESS
- August--CONTEMPLATE THE HEAVENS
- September--PURSUE A PASSION
- October--PAY ATTENTION
- November--KEEP A CONTENTED HEART
- December--BOOT CAMP PERFECT HAPPINESS