Way back last spring, as I sat in the dark theater laughing hysterically at the comedic genius of Bridesmaids, one of my dear friends leaned over to whisper, "We are SO doing this for Sosie's wedding!" By "this" he was referring to the speech scene where Kristen Wiig and Rose Byrne's characters are trying to one-up each other's heart-felt bridesmaid speech during the engagement party.
After months of enthusiastically talking about it, it was three days before the big day when Mikey texted me, "You should write all of our speeches!" First draft went out later that day and got not a peep of response. When I saw M and J later that night, I asked if I was really not that funny. J told me that although we would get it, it would lose the rest of the audience and possibly offend most of them. Draft two was sketched together in a brainstorm, and we were set. Three hours later, the maid of honor and minor aged bridesmaid wanted in...REWRITE. I was getting excited writing for everyone and scripting in not only the words but the drama to unfold.
The morning of the wedding, I sat in my make-up, fancy hair and sweat suit, tapping a pen against my teeth trying to picture the scene. This is what I wrote:
Maid of Honor, Sister A delivers real, heart-felt speech.
Aunt J-Me: Some of my favorite memories with Sosie are those created on our many vacations. In 2004, we cruised to Mexico and were all intrigued by all of Sosie's talk of her new man, Flanagan, or as I call him, Flan-the-Man! I learned this for the two of you: Ustedes son una parte de mi, una parte que yo nunca podria vivir sin. Y espero y rezo para que nunca tenga que hacer lo."
Sister A: Thank you, "Consuela." We always felt left our when our family would speak in Spanish too. What J-Me said was, "You are a part of me, a part I could never live without. And I hope and pray that I never have to." Next we have J who wants to say something.
J-Man: Sosie, Flanagan, I didn't learn a second language for you but wanted you to know what is in my heart (long pause)...truly (long pause)...deeply (long pause, intent stare)...so far buried down (long pause, deeper meaningful stare)...deep...in...my...soul...(deep breath) I love you.
Minor Sister A and Sister A struggle with mic and big sister backs down: IT'S MY TURN! <recover, smile sweetly> Sosie, Fangman...I believe we have such a connection that y'all know all I am feeling just with a look...<stare at them intently and awkwardly for as long as you can hold it without laughing>.
M-Man: Because I am such a poet...Sosie, Flanagan, this is for you..."I know this pain, why do you lock yourself up in these chains, No one can change your life except for you..."
Entire bridal part sings along to Wilson Phillips Hold On and attempts to get the rest of the guests to join us singing and dancing.
We didn't write a part in for the kiddos to distract but they added their own brand of entertainment to it. GREATEST BRIDESMAID SPEECHES EVER!
Video courtesy of Darling Daughter...