Thursday, April 21, 2011
P is for Peace
I've been dreading the "P" note for weeks now because the only P
that I could come up with was PAIN. Pain is negative. Negative is bad. I have
been striving to be positive. Did you know there's an actual physical pain
behind heartbreak? It's not just in our minds. During a traumatizing event such
as loss of a loved one, the brain sends chemicals to the heart that weaken its
muscles. That's why we feel the pressure and pain in our chests. That's why
seemingly healthy people die from "broken heart syndrome" after the
death of a loved one.
However, as I began today with the title of this note, my fingers typed
"Peace" instead of "Pain," almost on their own volition. I
am not there yet by any stretch of the imagination, but I have to believe that
someday I will have peace in my heart for the tragic loss of my sister Gayla. I
have to have faith that the pain and pressure will ease over time and that the
sweet, wonderful memories I have for sister will replace the unbearable loss
and emptiness that I feel right now.
Our lives changed forever one month ago. We lost our Gayla to a senseless
event. We've spent a month trying to reason it out, explain it, cope with it.
We are grateful she did not suffer and that she did not cause her own demise.
That is the only sense of peace we have right now. Nevertheless, those
chemicals from my brain are flooding my heart, and the pain is tremendous. That
tug-of-war between Peace and Pain will show Peace to be the victor someday,
just not today.