"That girl and her roses!" Sarah exclaimed a few weeks ago when I explained my Daddy and Bubba were harvesting sister's rose bushes in Rhome to be transplanted in her memorial garden in Hooks.
I laughed inside and said, "Girl, we are from east Texas. If there's one thing we're SUPPOSED to know, it's roses!"
There are over 100 species of roses in the world. These blooms, cultivated for their pretty colors and fragrance, "form a group of erect [that's what she said!] shrubs, and climbing or trailing plants, with stems that are often armed with sharp prickles" (Wikipedia 4/21/11). Gayla and I have a plethora of rose bushes in our respective yards. We learned to grow them from our Mama and Daddy who have always had roses. We know they need sun and water to survive, and we know that on February 14th each year, we need to whack them down to almost nothing so they will burst forth with their beauty when spring arrives.
Roses are like road trips with friends. There are hundreds of destinations to choose and just as many reasons to go to each one. Each vacation builds our friendships with deeper roots of respect and more beautiful resilient memories. Even if the friendship has been "whacked down to almost nothing" with a long time between visits, a road trip with friends can nourish the friendships with sun and water so that they "burst forth with their beauty." Road trips with friends can be quick jaunts to the river or just a jump to an even longer cruise around the gulf. Road trips with friends are beautiful in the sites we see, the joy we feel at each little inside joke or oopsie-daisy we incur, the good food (and bad) we consume, and the memories they make to cherish and talk about for years to come.
Roses are individual beauty protected by thorns much like our friends are remarkable people protected by our love. Gayla was a superb gardener of roses and friends. With both, she provided nourishment and care and reaped bountiful blooms. With our caretaker gone, we all are taking turns being the gardeners and making sure our friendships continue to bloom as she would expect.
Special Note: I struggled today with coming up with a Note for the letter "R." I sent out a distress signal to Sarah Gray, Sarah Haws, Mike Smith, and Jeremy Hamilton. Almost immediately, each sent me the inspiration to write today's tribute. I thank each of you for inspiring me every day to move forward and to embrace this life's changes. Your love through this horrible time has been my life boat. I'll love you forever; forever my family you'll be.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Q is for Qi and Qat
All my Words With Friends fanatics know that drawing the dreaded Q can sink
your boat if you don't also find a U. However, I have made a point to find
words that are not restrained by English grammar rules! For
instance consider the following: cinq, cinqfoil, coq, qabab, qabalah, qadarite,
qaddish, qadi, qadiriyah, qaf, qaid, qat, qazi, qere, qi, qin, qintar, qre,
suq, tranq, waqf, and about 50 more! Is it really cheating if I study words for
the sake of winning the game? A common debate among Friends. What's the
difference in learning a word by chance and storing it away until it can be of
use and actively seeking to learn new words?
Nevertheless, I am guessing this is why Gayla always said I was "book
smart" and she was "street smart." Geniuses in our own rights
according to our doting mother (really!! Whose mama doesn't think they are
brilliant!). I think that was sister's way of calling me a nerd and making it
seem okay (AND keeping said doting mother from getting on to her!). I would
have to agree for the most part though. I am a nerd in that if you give me a
book, a class, or a demonstration, I absorb the knowledge like a sponge. Put me
out in the real world, and I "Forest Gump" my way to success. Place
sister girl in the same make up and flip the sitch. We were like that in most
areas of our lives...apples and oranges...peas and carrots. Different to our
very make up but superb when mixed together...complimenting one another. Almost
like the "Q" and the "U." Either can go it alone and be
just fine, but put them together and life is easier, life is more diverse, life
is "normal", life is filled with so much more! I am "Q,"
and I miss "U."
your boat if you don't also find a U. However, I have made a point to find
words that are not restrained by
instance consider the following: cinq, cinqfoil, coq, qabab, qabalah, qadarite,
qaddish, qadi, qadiriyah, qaf, qaid, qat, qazi, qere, qi, qin, qintar, qre,
suq, tranq, waqf, and about 50 more! Is it really cheating if I study words for
the sake of winning the game? A common debate among Friends. What's the
difference in learning a word by chance and storing it away until it can be of
use and actively seeking to learn new words?
Nevertheless, I am guessing this is why Gayla always said I was "book
smart" and she was "street smart." Geniuses in our own rights
according to our doting mother (really!! Whose mama doesn't think they are
brilliant!). I think that was sister's way of calling me a nerd and making it
seem okay (AND keeping said doting mother from getting on to her!). I would
have to agree for the most part though. I am a nerd in that if you give me a
book, a class, or a demonstration, I absorb the knowledge like a sponge. Put me
out in the real world, and I "Forest Gump" my way to success. Place
sister girl in the same make up and flip the sitch. We were like that in most
areas of our lives...apples and oranges...peas and carrots. Different to our
very make up but superb when mixed together...complimenting one another. Almost
like the "Q" and the "U." Either can go it alone and be
just fine, but put them together and life is easier, life is more diverse, life
is "normal", life is filled with so much more! I am "Q,"
and I miss "U."
P is for Peace
I've been dreading the "P" note for weeks now because the only P
that I could come up with was PAIN. Pain is negative. Negative is bad. I have
been striving to be positive. Did you know there's an actual physical pain
behind heartbreak? It's not just in our minds. During a traumatizing event such
as loss of a loved one, the brain sends chemicals to the heart that weaken its
muscles. That's why we feel the pressure and pain in our chests. That's why
seemingly healthy people die from "broken heart syndrome" after the
death of a loved one.
However, as I began today with the title of this note, my fingers typed
"Peace" instead of "Pain," almost on their own volition. I
am not there yet by any stretch of the imagination, but I have to believe that
someday I will have peace in my heart for the tragic loss of my sister Gayla. I
have to have faith that the pain and pressure will ease over time and that the
sweet, wonderful memories I have for sister will replace the unbearable loss
and emptiness that I feel right now.
Our lives changed forever one month ago. We lost our Gayla to a senseless
event. We've spent a month trying to reason it out, explain it, cope with it.
We are grateful she did not suffer and that she did not cause her own demise.
That is the only sense of peace we have right now. Nevertheless, those
chemicals from my brain are flooding my heart, and the pain is tremendous. That
tug-of-war between Peace and Pain will show Peace to be the victor someday,
just not today.
O is for Open (as in Open Heart)
A few years ago, the advertising monster reached up and bit me in the butt
right before my birthday. I was drawn into the commercials for Kay Jewelers'
Open Hearts Line for two reasons: it was beautiful, and Gayla and I loved Jane
Seymour from "Somewhere in Time" and "Dr. Quinn." Plus who
isn't drawn to the idea that "If Your Heart Is Open, Love Will Always Find
Its Way In."
I couldn't wait! For the first time in a while, I had something to tell my husband that I wanted
for my birthday (other than my standard couples dance lessons or paint for our room)! However,
before I could tell him, he let me know that he may be laid off. Change of plans...secrets
kept only in my heart and never shared. Two days before my birthday we got the
bad word and that just buried my little wish even deeper. Then as if life
didn't suck enough, both our puppies were killed two weeks later. Stuff it down
a little further. I didn't want anything for birthday or Christmas that year!
Then as if hiding my wish so deep somehow sent a message to her gift-dar, my
Gayla surprised me with a necklace from the collection on Christmas morning. I
was elated and shocked because I hadn't said a word to ANYONE about wanting
something. I asked Gayla how she knew, and she said, "When I saw the commercials
back in November, I just knew you would love it!"
That was Gayla...she knew how to give gifts and always gave with a full heart. You actually had to
watch what you said around her or made sure you didn't linger over any one
thing too long when you accompanied her shopping. And if you did either of
those things, you better make sure it was something you truly wanted. Gayla was
a giver...if she knew you wanted something, she got it for you.
I don't think my sister had "acquaintances" because when she got to know someone,
she really learned who they were inside and out. She listened when you spoke
and had a keen sense for making sure all whom she loved were happy and taken
care of. Although I made sure that her birthday present that year was a piece from the same collection of jewelry and I always tried to make sure I gave as good as I got, I don't think I ever was as good at giving to others as Gayla was. I do however intend to spend the rest of this life trying to emulate that feature of my sister.
right before my birthday. I was drawn into the commercials for Kay Jewelers'
Open Hearts Line for two reasons: it was beautiful, and Gayla and I loved Jane
Seymour from "Somewhere in Time" and "Dr. Quinn." Plus who
isn't drawn to the idea that "If Your Heart Is Open, Love Will Always Find
Its Way In."
I couldn't wait! For the first time in a while, I had something to tell my husband that I wanted
for my birthday (other than my standard couples dance lessons or paint for our room)! However,
before I could tell him, he let me know that he may be laid off. Change of plans...secrets
kept only in my heart and never shared. Two days before my birthday we got the
bad word and that just buried my little wish even deeper. Then as if life
didn't suck enough, both our puppies were killed two weeks later. Stuff it down
a little further. I didn't want anything for birthday or Christmas that year!
Then as if hiding my wish so deep somehow sent a message to her gift-dar, my
Gayla surprised me with a necklace from the collection on Christmas morning. I
was elated and shocked because I hadn't said a word to ANYONE about wanting
something. I asked Gayla how she knew, and she said, "When I saw the commercials
back in November, I just knew you would love it!"
That was Gayla...she knew how to give gifts and always gave with a full heart. You actually had to
watch what you said around her or made sure you didn't linger over any one
thing too long when you accompanied her shopping. And if you did either of
those things, you better make sure it was something you truly wanted. Gayla was
a giver...if she knew you wanted something, she got it for you.
I don't think my sister had "acquaintances" because when she got to know someone,
she really learned who they were inside and out. She listened when you spoke
and had a keen sense for making sure all whom she loved were happy and taken
care of. Although I made sure that her birthday present that year was a piece from the same collection of jewelry and I always tried to make sure I gave as good as I got, I don't think I ever was as good at giving to others as Gayla was. I do however intend to spend the rest of this life trying to emulate that feature of my sister.
N is for Nanny
Church on Sundays
Home Perms before school picture day
Painting our nails at the kitchen table
Icing-covered sugar cookies at Christmas
Eating plums straight off the trees
Finding that one lost Easter Egg sometime in July
My homemade crocheted Strawberry Short Cake
Teaching all five of us how to cook and crochet
Pickling cucumbers
Publisher's Clearing House Christmas Presents
Never being able to leave without taking something with us
Your memories aren't as crystal clear as they once were.
This cruel time seems endless to you.
We wish there was a better way to help you.
All we can do is love you.
Home Perms before school picture day
Painting our nails at the kitchen table
Icing-covered sugar cookies at Christmas
Eating plums straight off the trees
Finding that one lost Easter Egg sometime in July
My homemade crocheted Strawberry Short Cake
Teaching all five of us how to cook and crochet
Pickling cucumbers
Publisher's Clearing House Christmas Presents
Never being able to leave without taking something with us
Your memories aren't as crystal clear as they once were.
This cruel time seems endless to you.
We wish there was a better way to help you.
All we can do is love you.
M is for Moore (and Mustard)
Two random stories Thursday! No deep meanings...just things on my mind.
Story One: When we were in our teens, Mama and Daddy took the three of us to Disney World in Florida for our family vacation. We drove all the way there in our new Astro van, listening to Ray Stevens' tapes the whole way. After our long day at the Great Mouse House, my parents took us for a late dinner at Denny's, which was right next to our hotel. Nothing like three strung out, exhausted children to add to everyone's dining pleasure. I ordered a cheese burger with mustard as usual. When our food arrived, I was looking at my first open face burger (thank you small town living!). I asked the waitress for some mustard, and she brought me a tall glass bottle similar to the ketchup. Having only ever used a knife and the short round container of mustard (this was pre-plastic-squeeze bottles with drip proof lids), I was confused. However, thank you for the directions, the lid said, "Shake before use." One or two good shakes later, we and some of the patrons around us were covered in bright yellow goodness. Seems someone before me had not put the lid back on the bottle after their use. Rather than be apologetic and embarrassed, our complete exhaustion from the day sent all five us into hysterical laughter. From then on, any time we went to a restaurant that used this particular mustard container, a member of my family would tell me, "Did you check that lid?"
Story Two: For anyone who knows me, you know I have been a "healthy" sized woman my whole life. One of the taunts from childhood was, "There's always MOORE of Jaimee." Thank you Last Name, First Name...Kids are so nice! Well after complaining to my sister Gayla about this one day, she started telling me various ways that she loved me more and what I have more of that others do not. To which I responded, "I love you more!" Enter the invention of cell phones and texting. Gayla and I were always chatting away with one another daily. When we were concluding our "conversations" sister always wrapped up with, "I love you." I would text, "I love you MOORE." She'd laugh. The night I found out I had lost my favorite friend, I grabbed my cell phone and started scrolling through our texts. I have never been more thankful that I never take the time to clear out my messages. I have texts all the way back to September 3, 2010. It's hard, but I am making my way through them and making notes in my journal of each day we had together since September. I am keeping a tally of the number of times we said "I love you!" They will never be enough to last me the rest of this life time without Gayla...I will always want MOORE.
Story One: When we were in our teens, Mama and Daddy took the three of us to Disney World in Florida for our family vacation. We drove all the way there in our new Astro van, listening to Ray Stevens' tapes the whole way. After our long day at the Great Mouse House, my parents took us for a late dinner at Denny's, which was right next to our hotel. Nothing like three strung out, exhausted children to add to everyone's dining pleasure. I ordered a cheese burger with mustard as usual. When our food arrived, I was looking at my first open face burger (thank you small town living!). I asked the waitress for some mustard, and she brought me a tall glass bottle similar to the ketchup. Having only ever used a knife and the short round container of mustard (this was pre-plastic-squeeze bottles with drip proof lids), I was confused. However, thank you for the directions, the lid said, "Shake before use." One or two good shakes later, we and some of the patrons around us were covered in bright yellow goodness. Seems someone before me had not put the lid back on the bottle after their use. Rather than be apologetic and embarrassed, our complete exhaustion from the day sent all five us into hysterical laughter. From then on, any time we went to a restaurant that used this particular mustard container, a member of my family would tell me, "Did you check that lid?"
Story Two: For anyone who knows me, you know I have been a "healthy" sized woman my whole life. One of the taunts from childhood was, "There's always MOORE of Jaimee." Thank you Last Name, First Name...Kids are so nice! Well after complaining to my sister Gayla about this one day, she started telling me various ways that she loved me more and what I have more of that others do not. To which I responded, "I love you more!" Enter the invention of cell phones and texting. Gayla and I were always chatting away with one another daily. When we were concluding our "conversations" sister always wrapped up with, "I love you." I would text, "I love you MOORE." She'd laugh. The night I found out I had lost my favorite friend, I grabbed my cell phone and started scrolling through our texts. I have never been more thankful that I never take the time to clear out my messages. I have texts all the way back to September 3, 2010. It's hard, but I am making my way through them and making notes in my journal of each day we had together since September. I am keeping a tally of the number of times we said "I love you!" They will never be enough to last me the rest of this life time without Gayla...I will always want MOORE.
L is for Love
Love is...
my mama making a homemade bannana pudding whenever I come home to visit
my daddy holding my hand while we wait to hear what the doctor says
my brother poking me in the stomach after surgery and saying, "Does this hurt? How about this?"
my sister buying me a gym membership and being my workout partner because she wants me to live longer
my sister-in-law taking me to Girl Scout Camp and garage saleing
my husband, who's not a morning person, walking with me at 6 a.m.
my daughter telling me, "You're the best!"
my father-in-law building cedar chests for me and my sister
my mother-in-law bringing me dinner and making sure I eat
my other sister-in-law taking care of me after almost every surgery I've had
my Sarah throwing me a birthday party two weeks after meeting me
my Jeremy buying me a gold fish when my first one committed suicide onto my kitchen counter
my Mike cooking breakfast for all of us anytime
my Valerie and crew making sure I do "normal" activities like lunch with the girls
my countless friends writing, calling or texting to let me know they are thinking of me
my mama making a homemade bannana pudding whenever I come home to visit
my daddy holding my hand while we wait to hear what the doctor says
my brother poking me in the stomach after surgery and saying, "Does this hurt? How about this?"
my sister buying me a gym membership and being my workout partner because she wants me to live longer
my sister-in-law taking me to Girl Scout Camp and garage saleing
my husband, who's not a morning person, walking with me at 6 a.m.
my daughter telling me, "You're the best!"
my father-in-law building cedar chests for me and my sister
my mother-in-law bringing me dinner and making sure I eat
my other sister-in-law taking care of me after almost every surgery I've had
my Sarah throwing me a birthday party two weeks after meeting me
my Jeremy buying me a gold fish when my first one committed suicide onto my kitchen counter
my Mike cooking breakfast for all of us anytime
my Valerie and crew making sure I do "normal" activities like lunch with the girls
my countless friends writing, calling or texting to let me know they are thinking of me
K is for Kindness
Do you remember when you were young and somone had wronged you in some way? You ran home to Mama and she took your side, and your enemy was her enemy? I don't! My Mama, although seething on the inside I'm sure (I hope...), made me see things from my enemy's point of view. To me, this is the ultimate act of kindness. By making me try to understand what others were seeing, feeling, and thinking, Mama taught me to think of others first. Now if you kept on wronging me, then Mama was a force to be reckoned with! No greater protector exists than Brenda Moore.
No greater fighter for the under dog exists either. When we were in our tweens, I remember my mother bringing home whatever free kitten or found dog she came upon. The cats never lasted long but one dog in particular still warrants teasing my mama about. Folley...because he follied her home! This little poodle something mix was covered in patches of tar from Mama's rural route being repaved and boy howdy he was skinny! In the entire time we housed this poor creature, we were never able to free him of the mats. However, that didn't keep mama from trying constantly. She not only wanted to help Folley, she wanted to give this puppy a home. In this, my mama taught all three of her children that everyone deserves a family. I think that is why all of her children have taken in the unwanted dog at one time or another. I think it's also why we all have made a point to be a friend to anyone who needed or wanted one. Her acts of kindness taught us how to embrace the world.
No greater fighter for the under dog exists either. When we were in our tweens, I remember my mother bringing home whatever free kitten or found dog she came upon. The cats never lasted long but one dog in particular still warrants teasing my mama about. Folley...because he follied her home! This little poodle something mix was covered in patches of tar from Mama's rural route being repaved and boy howdy he was skinny! In the entire time we housed this poor creature, we were never able to free him of the mats. However, that didn't keep mama from trying constantly. She not only wanted to help Folley, she wanted to give this puppy a home. In this, my mama taught all three of her children that everyone deserves a family. I think that is why all of her children have taken in the unwanted dog at one time or another. I think it's also why we all have made a point to be a friend to anyone who needed or wanted one. Her acts of kindness taught us how to embrace the world.
J is for James
The meaning of James, according to the baby name books, is "he who supplants." The synonym for supplant is "succeed." No matter which branch of this gal's family tree you choose to climb, you'll find a plethora of James's, including my little variation of Jaimee. Grandfathers, uncles, in-laws, brother, nephew, and the one and only Daddy.
If you've had the pleasure of meeting my Daddy, you well know he is a complex man wrapped in a simple exterior. His favorite nuggets of wisdom: "Do as I say, Not as I do" and "I just keep my mouth shut, and I stay out of trouble." His deep voice, sometimes gruff to others, can sooth the rowdiest of babies and children. He's almost like a pied piper in that area. Although I don't remember the exact words of love he bestowed on me and my sister more than two decades ago, seeing my Darby tear up a few weeks ago when Daddy gave his "dating speech" reminded me that when he does speak, my Daddy's words are profound and heart touching.
Daddy has always made our famly priority number one. He and mama may not have been able to give us three everything we demanded on the exact minute we wanted it, but they would make sure our hearts were content and, most importantly, filled with an immeasurable amount of love. Not everyone knows this, but when my Mama and Daddy renewed their marriage vows the summer of their 25th year, it was entirely and totally my daddy's idea. He is my Mama's number one fan and the basis for which I used to choose my husband. Daddy's focus is always us...his greatest loves.
Each of us has had the wonderful experience of being Daddy's "favorite" for a day. There is something special and cute about those days spent on the creek or where ever we were when we had his undivided attention. Daddy takes great pride in making sure we each know how much he loves us. I think three of his proudest moments were the days Gayla, James II and I graduated from college thus completeing one of Daddy's life's goals of having three college educated children. Each of our weddings' pictures show you a man with great love and pride in his children as he gave them to another to love just as much as he loves us.
It is safe to say my daddy James Moore is a success.
If you've had the pleasure of meeting my Daddy, you well know he is a complex man wrapped in a simple exterior. His favorite nuggets of wisdom: "Do as I say, Not as I do" and "I just keep my mouth shut, and I stay out of trouble." His deep voice, sometimes gruff to others, can sooth the rowdiest of babies and children. He's almost like a pied piper in that area. Although I don't remember the exact words of love he bestowed on me and my sister more than two decades ago, seeing my Darby tear up a few weeks ago when Daddy gave his "dating speech" reminded me that when he does speak, my Daddy's words are profound and heart touching.
Daddy has always made our famly priority number one. He and mama may not have been able to give us three everything we demanded on the exact minute we wanted it, but they would make sure our hearts were content and, most importantly, filled with an immeasurable amount of love. Not everyone knows this, but when my Mama and Daddy renewed their marriage vows the summer of their 25th year, it was entirely and totally my daddy's idea. He is my Mama's number one fan and the basis for which I used to choose my husband. Daddy's focus is always us...his greatest loves.
Each of us has had the wonderful experience of being Daddy's "favorite" for a day. There is something special and cute about those days spent on the creek or where ever we were when we had his undivided attention. Daddy takes great pride in making sure we each know how much he loves us. I think three of his proudest moments were the days Gayla, James II and I graduated from college thus completeing one of Daddy's life's goals of having three college educated children. Each of our weddings' pictures show you a man with great love and pride in his children as he gave them to another to love just as much as he loves us.
It is safe to say my daddy James Moore is a success.
I is for Ice
One Christmas morning about a decade ago, instead of waking up to presents and family, sister and I awoke to my daddy packing our cars to get us on the road home before an ice storm hit Texarkana. We literally raced the storm back to DFW. Sister and I spent that holiday holed up with frozen dinners and each other. Although not our most favorite memory of Christmas, we had each other. No matter the situation, we always had each other. In just the last four years, Gayla spent at least two nights in a hospital with me maybe three. She was always counted on for anything to do with going to an event for Darby. The best times were just lazing around on Sundays watching movies or NASCAR. Together. Gayla's presence always made the hard times better and the good times the best.
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