Wednesday, March 21, 2012

If I Dont Write This I Will Never Get To Sleep

I have never given birth to another human being. Nor will I ever give birth. This, however, does not mean because you don't have half of my DNA that I am any less your mother. This goes for the one that lives under my roof and all the others who dwell in my heart.

Therefore, before one more well meaning person tells me to chill out, ease up, or whatever other terminology means quit stressing, let me tell the children of my heart how to help me be a more chill mother figure.

Ladies, you were a whole person before those boys drug their sorry behinds into your lives. You will be a complete person when they slink right back out. DO NOT SAY CLICHE AND CRAZY TALK like, "You complete me." It's not only untrue, but it is also VELVEETA cheesy. Take it from me; I was all me for the past 20 years of knowing my husband. I love him. I love my life with him. However, I am still whole within myself. He loves me more and finds me more interesting and attractive because I am my own person.

Secondly, you want to be respected as an adult. Then act like one. Basically, our house rules are there for one purpose--so that at the end of the day, you are not in the hospital, jail or the morgue. These house rules pretty much follow common sense. If you don't have the good sense God gave a billy goat, then you also have us to remind and re-explain some of them to you. Don't yell at me or say, "I know!" when I re-direct and re-teach because obviously you don't if I am doing this for the humpteenth time in the same week.

You want me to like your boy? Then don't break the rules for him. Nor should you break them for yourself. Boys, you should remind your girl if she breaks the rules, you lose as much as she does. Curfews are curfews and phone time ends at is common decency, people. Also, do not sneak anyone into my house...I am loaded and will shoot intruders on sight. Do not sneak out of my house either...someone else may share my thoughts on this one.

Another thing, that phone is a privilege. Piss me off too many more times and it will be one that comes in many pieces like a puzzle.

Boys, you have just as much responsibility in your relationship as the girl does. You want to win me over? Get the hair out of yours eyes, pull up your britches, use your manners and for pete's sake, look people in the eye when you speak to them. Oh yeah, I don't care if it is your age, the position you play on your team or whatever, DO NOT FLIPPING LIE TO MY CHILD OR TO ME. WHEN I FIND OUT, YOU LOSE MY RESPECT AND TRUST FOREVER! I think I might be able to sleep.

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