I can remember my sister Gayla telling me when we were in high school that she had read the first book that she ever liked...The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn. When we were young 20-somethings, I can remember she told me she loved the movie even though it was a complete off-road trek from the book (I think it was the sex/love scene). For some reason, I did not ever read Hawthorn-man's opus, but recently, I got sucked into the movie. HARD PASS if you are thinking this is a review. From what I read online the book is depressing as all get out. The movie wraps everything up into a nice, little, flower-covered package. Blah on both!
With the "Blogging from A to Z Challenge" in mind, I decided that the first post for the letter A should be about about the crimson letter A that philandering Hester had to don on her person for Adultery. For the standard definition of adultery, make note of where I stand. IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR COMMITTED TO ANOTHER PERSON, THEN YOU DO NOT LET ANOTHER INTO YOUR HEART OR YOUR BRITCHES. No shades of gray here...it's black and white. Be faithful. Be a man or woman of your word and honor your commitment.
Still this is not where I wanted to go with this post. Being the mother of a teen, I have spent the last few years worrying and stressing over the message to provide Darling Daughter when it comes to sexual relationships outside and before marriage. The first couple of years of her curiosity I spent teaching her the biology of her body and the hormones engulfing her senses. For added measure, I stressed the part about sexually transmitted diseases.
When she approached the relationship years, DD's father and I added an addendum, "Who you love is up to you; just make sure you have a connection of the heart and the mind." Now that we are in the really scary years, the mama in my heart wants to tell her, "No sex without marriage!" Since reality and history tell me this is naive, uneducated and...duh!...hypocritical, my pearl of wisdom is, "Be a kid as long as you can. When you add sex to a relationship, it takes it to a level of intensity that you're just not ready for yet."
I am blessed by this wonderful young woman whom I call Daughter. She has the maturity and wisdom of someone twice her age on this front. She asks questions. I give her the real, straightforward answers, sometimes leaving her wishing that I pulled a few punches every now and again. I say a prayer of thanks every day that she comes to me for straight talk about the most serious (and sometimes silly) issues. I pray that I haven't screwed her up too much. I beg God to let us always have this open relationship. And to make sure I am not too far off base, I scour the earth for articles, books, etc. about parenting teens on sex.
For straightforward, teen-speak information, I can recommend the Scarleteen web site. I look at the teens I teach each day and see that some of them have no Mama-J at home with whom they can have truthful and frank discussions about sex, and this site is an information explosion attacking the issue of youths and sex in the most honest way. Check out their philosophy here.